Starrcade ends Y2K on a positive note
By JOHN POWELL -- SLAM!
Wrestling
Hardcore legend Terry Funk won the WCW Hardcore Title by defeating Crowbar at Starrcade 2000.
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To use a horror film reference, World Championship Wrestling has a Jekyll
and Hyde thing going on. One minute their product is worse than an Iron
Sheik - Nikolai Volkoff match-up. The next, they are delivering like a
well-oiled machine. What is with these guys anyways?
Based on last month's pitiful Mayhem show, we weren't holding out much hope
for Starrcade 2000. Lo and behold, WCW rises from the grave again just when
everyone had buried them alive. Even without headliners Sting and Booker
T, Starrcade had what WCW has been missing for the longest time:
Consistency. The solution to these and other problems dogging WCW is
elementary. If the promotion wants to pose a threat and take full advantage
of the faltering front-running WWF, all they have to do are two things. 1) Let whomever scripted last night's show to assume control of the booking
chores. 2) Persuade each and every WCW superstar to carry on the effort
they gave at Starrcade. When even the uninspired Kronik and Kevin Nash are
carrying their fair share of the load you know you have a winning formula
within your grasp.
WCW's premiere event was just that. An enthusiastic show that overcame a
routine main event of Scott Steiner versus Sid Vicious for the WCW World
Heavyweight Championship. Steiner kicking out of Sid's chokeslam near the
finale of the bout revealed the booking committee's true intentions in
bringing Sid back. Truck out the "all-powerful" Sid and serve him up to
Steiner so that Big Poppa Pump's status as a formidable champion would be
further strengthened. And, so it was. Sid had Steiner beat though because
the champ took out the referee, there was no one to make the count.
A Steiner Recliner defeats Sid Vicious.
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Seeing there was no official to stop her, Midajah tossed Steiner his
equalizer -- that darn lead pipe. Steiner beat Sid senseless until referee
Charles Robinson took over officiating the match. Steiner's clubbing earned
him a two count. Unfazed by any referee, Jeff Jarrett climbed onto the ring
apron with his guitar in hand. He swung for Sid, missed and hit Steiner.
Sid could've won the match again but Jarrett corrected his error by pulling
Robinson out of the ring by his heels. Sid threw Steiner off the ropes to set-up his powerbomb. Steiner low-blowed Sid twice and T-bone
suplexed him into the middle of the ring. Steiner clamped on The Recliner
(which Sid had escaped twice before) and Sid passed out handing Big Poppa
Pump a submission win.
The next WCW pay-per-view is Sin on January 14th.
WCW Starrcade 200 Results
Three Count Vs The Jung Dragons Vs Knoble, Karagias (Triple Ladder Match)
The winner gets a shot at the Cruiserweight Title held by Chavo
Guerrero if they can snatch an envelope hanging above the ring. Match Of
The Year Candidate with the ladders being used in countless innovative
ways. The set-ups, spots and bumps reminded me of what you might see happen
in a ladder match held in Japan, especially when Yang built a scaffold-like
platform out of three of the ladders. Shannon Moore's "skin-the-cat" on the
make-shift platform allowing him to hurracanrana Yang was pure poetry in motion. Moore and Helms are the last two standing on the "scaffold". They
agree to both grab the envelope at once.
Winners: Three Count at 13 minutes and 51 seconds.
Match Rating: 10 / 10.
A depressed Hacksaw Duggan is shining up his 2x4 in the locker room.
Lance Storm throws him a Team Canada shirt telling him that he might as
well stick with him because the American fans will never take him back
after he betrayed them. Plus, Storm claims WCW was about to kick Duggan to
the curb until he signed up with Team Canada.
Jeff Jarrett and The Harris Brothers convince Commissioner Mike Sanders
to "even the playing field" by transforming the Street Fight they are in
with The Filthy Animals into a Street Fight - Bunkhouse brawl. Maybe
someone should tell Jarrett that a Street Fight and Bunkhouse brawl are
pretty much the same thing. Duh.
The Acolytes...I mean Kronik...are relaxing in a sauna together. I
could make a really off-colour joke at their expense but I won't. Kronik
yack with some unknown benefactor on the phone. It's about a "special
job".
Lance Storm Vs The Cat
Referring to the U.S. election, Storm says that it took America 37 days
to do what Canada did in one day this year and that the world is laughing
at them because the "man with the most votes lost". You can't argue with
that. The Cat cuts a promo on Storm. Storm can pack his bags and go back to
Calgary. He can take Mark Madden while he's at it. (Editor's Note: The U.S.
can keep Mark Madden. We don't want him.).
Pretty slick action with The Cat integrating his martial arts skills
better than I have seen him before. Prime Time punks The Cat outside the
ring. Miss Jones hauls off and erroneously kicks the ref in the chops.
Major Gunns leaps into action. Miss Jones throws her into the steel
security fence. Duggan enters the ring with his 2x4 at 6:50. He looks at
the 2x4, drops it to the ground and clotheslines The Cat. Storm puts The
Cat into the Maple Leaf for the win. Team Canada swarms Duggan. The Cat
clears the ring saving him. The Cat puts on his red shoe and is about to karate
kick Duggan. He sees Duggan sulking in the corner and decides he is
suffering enough.
Winner: Lance Storm at 7 minutes and 24 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
Mike Awesome drives an ambulance into the arena. Buff Bagwell has been
relegated to conducting interviews. He babbles with The Filthy Animals.
Vito, Reno and Marie are heading towards the ring. The Natural Born
Thrillers tell Reno he is welcome back into the fold. Reno blows them off.
Daffney and Crowbar stroll in the back. Wanna know why Daffney screams?
Because she has a voice like Cyndi Lauper. Man-o-man. I hope it's a put-on.
Terry Funk, attacks Crowbar from behind spraying a fire extinguisher in his
face.
Terry Funk (challenger) Vs Crowbar (champion) (WCW Hardcore
Championship Match)
Wild, insane, wicked action. Funk and Crowbar brawl back to where some
trucks are parked. As they fight in the back of a truck, Funk arm-drags
Crowbar through the air. Crowbar crashes through a table. Daffney hands
Crowbar some handcuffs. Funk and Crowbar take turns slamming their heads in
a steel door. The sound of each slam is enough to make you grit your teeth.
Funk handcuffs Crowbar and chairshots him like a million times. Then, Funk
picks up a car doors and smacks him about the head with that. Funk unfolds a table at ringside and places Crowbar on top of it. Funk climbs
on the ring apron. Daffney pulls Crowbar off the table. The Funker starts
choking Daffney out using her own shirt. Crowbar chairshots Funk and lies
him on the table. With his hands still handcuffed, Crowbar does a flying
body press from in the ring, over the ropes and onto Funk putting him
through the table. Coolness. The hardcore legend piledrives Crowbar on the
car door in the ring to hand SLAM! Wrestling an early Christmas present.
Winner: ...and new WCW Hardcore Champion...Terry Funk at 10 minutes
and 28 seconds.
Match Rating: 7.5 / 10.
Lance Storm tells Mean Gene that now that Team Canada has "got rid of
the trash" (AKA: Duggan), the stable is going to grow. Major Gunns has one
line...Don't blame Canada, blame yourself. She still screws it up. Luger is
unpacking his equipment bag. Gee. Look at that. A pair of brass knuckles
with Bill Goldberg's name on them.
Vito, Reno Vs Kronik
Brian Adams keeps questioning Marie outside the ring trying to convince
us that she is the one who hired them for that "special job". She denies it
again and again. Vito tags Reno. Reno punks him with that neck-twister
thing he does. He covers Vito and wins the match? What the hell? Reno
tosses Kronik a sack of money and joins his pals The Thrillers on the
rampway. Kronik throw Vito around like a Ping-Pong ball and force Marie to
watch.
Winner: Kronik...or is it Reno...at 5 minutes and 44 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Three Count tell Mean Gene that they both deserve to fight Chavo for
the Cruiserweight Title. Chavo interrupts. He says Three Count look exactly
like the guys who painted his house last weekend. Chavo and the
Cruiserweight Title take out Three Count.
Mike Awesome Vs Bam Bam Bigelow (Ambulance Match)
Not too bad a brawl with Awesome and Bigelow employing chairs, tables
and the ambulance itself as a weapon. Awesome is slammed on the hood of the
ambulance. Bigelow climbs up ripping the lights off of it. He clobbers
Awesome with them. Awesome uses them on Bigelow too. Bigelow falls backwards through the roof and into the vehicle. As neat as it sounds.
Winner: Mike Awesome at 8 minutes and 40 seconds.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Shane Douglas (challenger) Vs General Rection (champion) (WCW United States
Heavyweight Title Match)
Shane applies some old school cheat tactics like pokes to the eyes and
pulling the bottom rope into Rection's crotch. Rection is no-selling like
Hogan throughout the bout. As lame as it sounds. Douglas is thrown into a
steel ring post and comes up bleeding. Douglas pulls out the steel chain he
keeps in his trunks. Douglas has the chain knocked out of his hands. Chavo
Guerrero picks them up and stands on the apron. He throws it back to
Douglas. The ref sees this and DQ's Douglas which was Chavo's plan
all along. Douglas Franchise's both Chavo and Rection. He then punches
Rection in the foreheads over and over opening him up. A-Wall and Cajun
drive off Douglas. Chavo and Rection trade words. Cajun takes Chavo's side
while A-Wall takes Rection's.
Winner: ....and still WCW United States Champion...General Rection
at 9 minutes and 47 seconds.
Match Rating: 4 / 10.
Jeff Jarrett, The Harris Brothers Vs The Filthy Animals (Street Fight -
Bunkhouse Brawl)
Clever booking has the unadulterated brawl become a wrestling match
mid-way through as the ref makes both teams abide by tag-team rules. There
is a mock bar in the ring. Jarrett gets double chokeslammed through it by
The Animals. Jarrett powerbombs Mysterio over the top rope into a dumpster
outside the ring. Rey returns later with a broom taking all three men out.
Billy Kidman climbs to the top rope. One of the Harris Brothers breaks a
glass bottle over his head. Jarrett applies The Stroke to get the victory for his team.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett, The Harris Brothers at 12 minutes and 30
seconds.
Match Rating: 7.5 / 10.
Luger attacks Sarge during his interview with Mean Gene.
The Insiders (challengers) Vs The Perfect Event (champions) (WCW
World Tag Team Title Match)
Sanders comes out with the champs. Flair shows up and tells Sanders
that if he takes one step into the ring he will award the titles to The
Insiders. The fans chant...We want Hall! We want Hall! Way better than
their last pay-per-view effort. DDP is basically battered and brained until
a hot-tag to Nash. DDP Diamond Cuts Sanders on the concrete floor and
fights off the interfering Natural Born Thrillers. Nash does his Jack-Knife
Powerbomb thingy. Nash sends a message out to Hall by saying "Yo! We got them again!" on the house mike.
Winners: ...and new WCW World Tag Team Champions...The Insiders at
12 minutes and 1 second.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
Lex Luger Vs Goldberg (No Holds Barred Match)
Buff and Sarge come out. Buff tries to stop Sarge from getting
involved. Luger pulls the ref in front of the Spear. Goldberg puts on the
brakes. Buff pulls the ref away from Luger. Luger punches Sarge off the
apron. Buff does The Blockbuster on Goldberg. Luger throws Buff out over
the top rope. Goldberg stops The Rack by grabbing onto the ropes. Buff
thrashes Sarge outside. Spear. Jack Hammer. Pin. Buff labels Goldberg with
a chair. Luger and Buff split the scene together. Sarge and Goldberg carry a Make A Wish Foundation kid to the back on their shoulders.
Winner: Goldberg (Who else?) at 7 minutes and 21 seconds.
Match Rating: 3 / 10.
Scott Steiner (champion) Vs Sid Vicious (WCW World Heavyweight
Championship Match)
Winner: ...and still WCW World Heavyweight Champion...Scott Steiner
at 10 minutes and 13 seconds.
Match Rating: 5 / 10.
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 50 minutes.
Overall Event Rating: 7 / 10.
